How Slowing Down Strengthened Our Bond

This is a story for anyone who has kids and has a hard time stopping to relax. Or for anyone who needs to be reminded dreams are possible.

Every time I sit down and let myself feel tired my son notices. He is 5 years old and has become very independent. I’ve noticed recently when I rest and use the wall for support behind me, because my body feels like it might collapse, or I sit on the couch near him while he’s watching tv, his body gravitates towards mine. He slides his feet under my legs. He crawls into my crossed legs to take a seat. He gets snuggly and it reminds me of when I broke my ankle and was forced to sit all day. My son and my daughter spent hours nuzzled around me and climbing on me like I was a jungle gym.

I know that might not sound enjoyable, but to me it is because I can feel their tiny bodies. I am reminded to be here in my body. I am reminded of the joy that comes when I slow down. It feels good to slow down. It feels even better to connect with my kids.

I love that my son feels drawn toward me when I take a moment to be still. What a gift it is to be reminded that love is right here.

Which reminds me, the other day when I heard him giggling my heart felt complete.

I spent decades with a broken heart so to feel wholeness is something that was once a dream. It reminded me that I used to dream of his laugh before he was here.

When I was at my lowest, surrounded by suicidal ideation, feeling numb and hopeless I’d hold onto this image of a family. I’d hear children giggling. My heart would feel a tiny bit of hope and I’d keep taking one step in front of the other.

Now I’m living in that dream. It isn't perfect, but his goofy giggle, and my daughters deep belly laugh light up my heart and that is a blessing.

Love always,

Danielle Mallett