why is it so hard to ask for help?

What is it about asking for help or receiving help that feels so awkward and uncomfortable?

There’s this pressure to appear independent at all times. To not show weakness. To deny help.

Why?

I saw a woman struggling at the grocery store to get her yogurts out of the freezer and into her cart. She had a boot on what I assume was a broken foot or ankle. She was nearly trapped inside the fridge, and while she was in there, a mom stood beside her, explaining to her child how hard it is to do something with a broken foot. The narration and normalization of this woman’s struggle made me angry when there were so many able bodies around her.

I asked, “Would you like some help?”

“No, it’s okay,” she said.

“Are you sure?” There I was, two able arms and two able legs ready to toss them into her cart in one big swoop.

She said, “It’s okay; it will just take me a while.”

“I get it. “ I said. “ I’ve been there.” I turned and yelled back, “I’ve had a broken foot too.” Yet as I sped off, trying to make myself feel less awkward about asking if she needed help, I didn’t think about how slow I used to have to move.

I loved when people asked if I needed help. If they could do something in a few seconds that would take me 5-10 minutes, I was all for it. I knew I wouldn’t always be in a boot, and I needed help because I was in pain.

I don’t know, maybe it’s because so few of us have help. We strap on our independence and deny assistance. We get used to doing it on our own.

I know I’ve denied help more than once when holding a toddler, pushing a full cart, and managing a 5-year-old. The cashier will ask if I’d like help to the car, and I think I don’t want to trouble anyone, and my knee-jerk reaction is, “No, I’ve got it.”

Come to think of it, even when I learned I could order groceries from my phone, I still preferred going in to pick it out myself, even if it was more stressful. There’s something to be said for independence, we all want a certain amount of it.

And yet wouldn't it be nice if we had more help and community built into this demanding world we are all living in?