The Inner Controller (7 Types of Inner Critics)

10 Dec

The Inner Controller

This critic tries to control your impulses: eating, drinking, sexual activity, etc.
It is polarized with an Indulger Part—an addict that it fears can get out of control at any moment.
It tends to be harsh and shaming in an effort to protect you from yourself.
It is motivated to try to make you a good person who is accepted and functions well in society. ~Jay Earley, PhD and Bonnie Weiss, LCSW

Oh boy, let’s get into this.

As a kid who watched her parents drug addictions take them over—more than once—I learned to lean into this shaming voice. I used it as motivation to practice self-control over substances. I didn’t really see this part of me as a critical part, until recently.

It was my protector. For over a decade I told myself:

It was what kept me from becoming an addict like my parents.

My Controller says:

“If you drink you’ll become a drunk. You have alcoholism in your family.”

“You can’t do drugs or you’ll become an addict.”

“If you enjoy anything too much you might spiral out of control.”

The Harsh side of the Controller sounds like:

“You have no willpower!”

“You’re weak.”

“You will never accomplish anything worthwhile.”

For many years, I used theses voices to fight against.

Oh yeah, you think I’m weak and have no will power, watch me prove you wrong.

It worked for awhile, but then I realized it was robbing me of joy and playfulness.

I told myself:

Anything enjoyable would end up in addiction
My life could spiral out of control if I wasn’t always careful
I had to be strict and do my best at all times to prove my worth as a good person

My inner controller and my perfectionist tend to double up forces.

Living with Your Inner Perfectionist

BUT now that I am aware of them, they have less power.
I don’t fight against them.
I don’t try to avoid them.

I listen to them.
I feel how they are trying to protect me from getting hurt.
I remind them I am a capable, disciplined, joyful person who doesn’t need to be shamed into doing better.

I am doing enough.

I am doing my best.

My best is enough.

It won’t be perfect.

I won’t be perfect.

Nobody is perfect!

I don’t actually want perfection.

I want:

To write and share my writing.
To be a mom who enjoys her kids.
To be a Functional Movement Coach who helps people feel good in their bodies.
To grow as a human on all levels
To experience more peace in my heart and in the world

If you suspect an inner critic is holding you hostage, check out this link. There is a quick quiz you can take to see if any of your critics are troubling you. They also have ideas for befriending your inner critics.

Knowing that your Critic’s heart is in the right place makes it possible to create a cooperative relationship with it and transform it into a valuable resource. ~Jay Earley, PhD and Bonnie Weiss, LCSW

If you’re just beginning this series with me and would like an overview of each critic go back to this post.