Movement and Mindfulness for OCD

12 Dec

Intrusive Thoughts Feel Like…

This morning I woke up and my mind was being very dramatic and going into scenarios that frankly make me feel horrible. Meanwhile I am just in a dark closet trying to find my clothes and not wake up my kids and husband.

I used to think OCD just meant I am obsessively clean and if I clean less I have less OCD. Wouldn’t that be nice?

I also used to have thoughts like these morning thoughts that come crashing in like a super shuttle bus and smash through the peace I’ve worked so hard for.

Practices that Help OCD

Before therapy I could be wrecked for weeks with these thoughts. Today though, today I grabbed my journal and wrote down all the things I am grateful for, I listened to positive music, I started a podcast with Mel robins and a neuroscientist talking about the focus system in our brain.

Basically I drowned out the intrusive thoughts with what I’d rather be hearing. I also did too many things at the same time and when the neuroscientist talked about how multitasking exhausts our systems I felt seen.

48 Tabs Open at All Times

Yes I am one of those people who has quite literally 48 tabs open on my phone. At the moment I have about 5 in my brain. I do my best to put them to rest, it helps me to have the tabs cause I can tell my brain it’s all there I’ll get to it eventually.

Most of the time when I open the tabs I look through and do nothing or start exiting out of them. I notice how some tabs stay open for months before I am willing to delete them. Some I turn into notes cause god forbid I lose them. Haha I think this is all a part of OCD and being an anxious person. I get some false sense of control over having these tabs in order and my house in order.

Why am I sharing all of this with you on a movement Monday? Because if you relate to this than your body might not feel safe sometimes. Not when your mind is coming in often with a super shuttle full of intrusive thoughts. Therapy helped me separate from these thoughts.

Meditation or Yoga to Help OCD

In meditation and yoga classes teachers used to say “call it thinking and return to your breath”. I did this A LOT! And yet when certain thoughts came that felt horrifying, real, permanent, true, and shook the peace I worked for I felt smothered, defeated, hurt, out of control, and sad.

I did what I could to separate myself from the thoughts, but anyone with OCD knows how convincing and insistent these thoughts are. Mine usually come with an entire storyline that is very convincing, even though again I am just standing in my closet.

Lately I have started saying to these thoughts, “not today satan, not today.”

I say this because the thoughts are not kind, are not loving, are not something that connect me to my heart and a higher power. They are evil, cruel, hurtful, and I’m done spiraling through that darkness just to be exactly where I am.

My suspicion is we all have these thoughts just some of our speakers are turned up and some of us have super sonic speedy shuttles that are over active. That’s me.

Having a movement practice helps keep me grounded in my body. It reminds me I have a body that is standing in a closet. It gives me a place to return to that isn’t my thoughts.