Rise and shine
Overbearing Thoughts
Some mornings my thoughts come barreling in, not all of them kind, many of them hurtful.
I immediately repeat, “Om shanti shanti shanti.”
I focus my mind on peace.
The cruel mind lashes out.
I feel my son’s body scoot closer to me.
I feel my husbands body scoot closer to me.
There is peace in this home,
There is peace in this room,
There is chaos in my body and mind,
I repeat,
“Om shanti shanti shanti.”
I think maybe I am just too aware of my thoughts.
Maybe being aware isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
My chest and stomach spiral with anxious feelings and thoughts.
Is it my body that feels this first or my mind?
They are too intertwined.
“Om shanti shanti shanti.”
I’m not worthy of any of this.
I don’t deserve any of this.
Maybe I do need antidepressants if I can’t shut these voices down.
“Om shanti shanti shanti.”
I reach for my phone to write it all down.
This is my one wild and precious life and I know in my heart I deserve to live it, to enjoy it, to surrender to the moments of peace I feel, but peace feels scary.
Peace can be taken away.
Fear is a thief.
Round and round the mind goes.
“Om shanti shanti shanti.”
Signed on IG to see this post about Trump declaring war on American families in Chicago. Now in Portland too.
A post shared by @fakeadultmom
This swirling fear, this tornado of cruelty, it lives in me, but it gets triggered when there is a person in power who is reckless.
A post shared by @myeasytherapy
Or when I lose someone I love.
So I have been triggered lately.
I started taking some supplements and I’ve been feeling less frantic, less on edge, more capable of witnessing the horrible things happening and the beautiful things happening. For example, today I saw a man leave his garden to help guide a woman who was backing up in her car to avoid driving between two cars. She didn’t think she could fit and I was backing up behind her. The whole thing was turning into a mess and then this sweet man walked in front of the parked semi truck and directed the woman forward, then me, then the man with a large truck behind me.
As I drove through the narrow space I see why the woman was backing up, it felt tight and gave the illusion her car might not fit. Then there was this kind man just doing the simplest of things to create a little more ease in all of our days.
So yes, there are horrible things happening everyday and all of them feel depressing and hopeless. There are also beautiful things happening everyday and all of them feel sweet, precious, and full of hope.
Perception really is reality so if you find yourself doom scrolling and falling into the pit of darkness, put the phone down. Go get around some humans. Go watch strangers interact at a café or at a park or in a city, wherever you can. You’ll notice kindness, you’ll see joy, you’ll witness reality, not whatever images your phone is shoving into your brain. Or go watch some birds or trees, or clouds, they are full of something bigger than the algorithm wants you to see.
“Om shanti shanti shanti.”
Picture of this:
A post shared by @goodvibeswithwords
Love Always,
Danielle Mallett
