Hope’s Quiet Reminder
A Poem from Lin & Hope
“Hope doesn’t beg you to rise.
She doesn’t shame your stillness.”
An unwanted shadow of doubt has returned
It’s crept its unwavering grip around my chest and is spinning insidious lies, again.
It takes what is beautiful and covers it with ash.
It burns new insights and hope giving them no place to flourish.
It erases the story just as it’s beginning.
It is sitting hands interlaced with fear,
Fear of being seen,
Fear of being heard.
On one side:
There are 60 people opening my emails and reading them—what-a-gift!
Other the other side:
There are 60 people reading my inner most thoughts and getting tiny windows into the vulnerability of my heart and soul. I feel naked. I feel exposed. I feel the need to hide away in the comfort of isolation.
I remind myself I write to connect with others so that loneliness isn’t the norm.
I write to connect with others because connection and community are the truest answer I have to an endlessly list of problems.
I sit watching my mind grapple with fear and doubt as motivation to not give up chimes in.
Angels on one side, darkness on the other.
Is it worth it
This internal struggle.
This dream to become a “famous” author, whatever that is.
60 people are reading my posts and the thought of standing in front of 60 people reading these posts makes me want to throw up. That is terrifying AND exciting.
Something I am writing is connecting.
On the one side I feel small, those voices say:
60 people, that’s it, what a waste of your time, you’re worthless, they won’t last, they will disappear, nobody really cares what you have to say, you don’t really matter.
On the other side, the voices say:
60 people! That is incredible. I’m so proud of you for sticking with this Substack for two years and for continuing to write for the past 24 years! I am so proud of you. Keep going. Don’t give up.
That is the voice of hope.
This is the reminder @motivationalvibeswithlin gave me the gift of this week.
The reminder that poetry is my first love.
The reminder to shine and bright, to rest without shame, and to keep going.
It also reminded me of the ever present light in my poetry book Sunshine by Design. Thank you for the reminders.
Love always,
Danielle Mallett
