Becoming a Mother

This year I am trying out writing to readers, not just in my journals.

It’s different because I stop to ask myself which stories to share with you all, which ones matter, which ones will you enjoy reading about.

I don’t really know the answer, yet every week I return.

Today is my son’s 6th birthday and I am reminded of the days before his birth.

I am reminded of a younger more determined version of myself who was convinced I could make my body do what I wanted it to do.

For 3 days I repeated, “My body knows what to do. My body and my baby know what to do. My body is wise.”

These and other similar affirmations.

Then I’d visualize his head pressing down and my vagina opening.

I’d see my hand touch his head and my hands catch him.

I could see it so clearly I knew it had to be possible.

Then after three days of throwing up everything I ate,

Getting dehydrated, and experiencing the worst back pain of my life the hospital sounded like a sanctuary.

On the day my son was born 6 years ago my husband drove me to the hospital some time in the morning.

He wheeled me into the room and helped me into the hospital night gown.

My contractions seemed to lessen with the switch to the hospital. All the pressure I was starting to feel previous to our hospital drive lessened. His head seemed to make its way into my sacrum and back. No longer deep in the canal ready to come out.

As someone who has seen the size of an epidural needle I had decided before this moment I WOULD NEVER!

But once I couldn’t move my right leg or breathe comfortable because of the pain in my back I asked for the epidural.
All I cared about is that it would take away the pain in my back.

As they gave it to me I fiercely wiggled my toes because more than anything I still wanted to feel my feet.

My back and legs went numb and I was in momentary heaven.

I could do anything.

I could push him out.

I could and I would.

Moments later the babies heart rate was changing so they came in to put something on his head to be sure he was okay.

Moments later they were back and telling me the baby was in distress and we needed to go other a C-section.

Months of watching the Good Doctor had me feeling oddly calm about the whole thing.

Now today he is 6 years old.

If you’re enjoying reading this story and would like to read more of it, come back in May 2026.

I will be releasing my book Mom Life Magic week by week right here on Substack.

Love Always,

Danielle Mallett