Why You Can’t Relax: Understanding Stress Addiction and How to Heal

Addicted to stress?

This is for anyone who wonders if they are addicted to stress.

I listened to this episode of We Can Do Hard Things and it reminded me how I used to feel. When I went to college I set out taking 18 units a semester, and volunteering at two places. I went from class to class, from studying, to volunteering, with very little time to hang out. I could give two shits about my body.

I ate sugar, other comfort foods, and gained 15 pounds in my first semester. I could have kept going if I didn't meet someone who valued fitness. I couldn't jump for 1 minute. I was out of breath, heavy, and exhausted and I was 19 years old.

I'm so grateful I found fitness because it gave me the positive stress they talk about in this episode.

Positive sides of stress—Stress releases endorphins, it can bring you closer together, gives us adrenaline and other hormones that give you energy. Gives you more sensation. Pleasure and pain relief and emotional warmth. A sense of social bonding and group experiences.

He talks about the negative sides of stress.

If your baseline is lower than the average person, if you’ve had trauma as a child, you are just trying to get back to your baseline, which is chaos and pain and addiction. Settling, calm, and relaxed doesn’t feel good because you’re seeking the stress until you collapse.

I experienced this a lot. I used to put more and more on my plate thinking I can do it all. But the truth is, I can't, nobody can, something gives.

My parents were drug addicts and they lived a very high-paced, addictive lifestyle. I used to listen to them, observe them, and try to figure out how to not end up like them.

I thought if I could just eliminate stress I could be calm and never get swept up in addictive stress. That's impossible. Stress is a part of life.

In personal training they teach you that the body will adapt to the amount of stress placed on it. This is true and can be positive, but as they say in this episode,

When you’re used to the high-paced, addictive stress, you crave it. You chase the stress to avoid the trauma.

I can feel this with all things politics, social justice, and becoming an advocate for people who don't have a voice. If you're not careful and you're someone who grew up in a high stress environment these things can feed your need for high paced addictive stress.

That doesn't mean to avoid these things, but to do it mindfully and with genuine self-care.

Love always,

Danielle Mallett