The Mind

I struggle to separate the mind from this body

My mind takes over and convinces me I’m sick with depression, anxiety, narcissism, greed, hate, selfishness, and apathy,
and I struggle to separate the mind from this body,
my thoughts live in this body,
I live in this body,
this body that moves with grace,
with purpose,
and functional mobility,
yet what good is functional mobility without a healthy mind?

Psychologists have red flags for depression and anxiety

If someone is talking about killing themselves the sirens go off
and the counsellors run for back up
because they can’t have your death on their watch,
because if you are at risk to yourself
it’s the rest of the worlds job to save you from yourself
because obviously after those 24 hours have passed
the desire to kill yourself will pass too.

When did it become the worlds job to keep people from harming themselves?

Maybe I don’t know how to measure mental health
because every so often I walk around with suicidal thoughts,
they cling to me like static clings to clothes,
like moths fly to flames,
like lovers spooning,
like an abusive partner
who strangles the life out of a lover
And I’m not sharing this to sound off alarms
or to glamorize depression,
or to make it sound like something
someone has to have
to write a good poem

I have been given so many gifts

so many blessings,
more than I probably deserve,
and I use all of my mental powers to see that grace
when the suffering and darkness in this world floods my system
because I’m too compassionate and empathetic
and because sometimes I go numb
and I feel nothing
and I pray for the tears to return
for the feelings to return
for my spirit to return
for my spirit to rise up
with purpose,
take leadership and say,

“I’m needed in this world
and without my light
and the light of every other human being who steps out of darkness,
the world will continue to be dim,
and that’s not a world
I can live in.”

Love always,

Danielle Mallett