Breaking free from negative self-talk

This one is for anyone who doubts who they are and has spent any amount of time beating themselves down.

You are not alone. There are too many people doing this every day. It is normalized to talk to yourself as though you’re worthless, undeserving, and to remind yourself of all the ways you’ll get it wrong or have gotten it wrong.

My brain can take anything I have put effort into and tear it to shreds, if I let it. If I stop it from destroying the things I hold precious, then it has no power.

This sounds easy, but it took me decades to learn how to do it.

Decades of practicing yoga, meditating, praying, reading endless self-help books, talking endlessly with friends who felt similar, and writing out all the awful thoughts that held me captive.

The practice of yoga and meditation didn’t really help me until I learned about ahimsa.

Ahimsa means to do no harm.

It’s the practice of non-violence toward self and others. When I learned Ahimsa in practice I cried because I felt hope, I felt new air in my lungs, I felt held by something bigger, kindness took up a small plot of space in my heart and mind. It felt good for a moment. Yet even then, my mind still found ways to make me feel worthless.

The more aware I became of my thoughts, the harder I was on myself. How could I have such horrible thoughts all the time? Fearful thoughts, angry thoughts, down-on-myself at all-time thoughts. It was depressing.

I’d do what I was instructed to do and call it thinking. Imagine the thoughts as clouds passing in the sky. Do my best to let them pass, but I’m a clinger, an over-analyzer, and a storyteller.

I need to understand where the mind goes and the stories it weaves. At first, the stories made me feel bad about everything; guilt was a comforting home. I couldn’t escape the guilt on my own. I wish I knew that in my 20s.

In my thirties, I found cognitive behavioral therapy, and it changed my life.

For five years, my therapist helped rewire my brain the way I imagined I was doing on my own. I did some work on my own, but with her guidance and support, an actual highway of kindness was paved in my brain.

After that, it became easier for me to invest and implement concepts of neuroscience.

Eventually, something clicked, and my brain stopped attacking me.

If you are feeling like you need a break from fighting for peace in the landscape of your thoughts, I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy.

If you grew up in a home where negative and toxic feelings were normalized, you might need some kind of stable support to rewire your brain for success and peace. If you’ve normalized manipulation, guilt trips, addictive behavior, emotional abuse, and a constant feeling you’re doing something wrong or will do something wrong, and you desire change, find someone who can help you create a different reality.

There is peace on the other side. Sure, the mind still runs wild, but the practice of letting the thoughts pass is more accessible.

Kindness and peace can take the lead, and they will with practice, effort, and support.

Don’t give up on yourself.

You deserve help,

you deserve love,

you deserve peace from the chaos inside that was normalized long before you came along.

Here's a Loving-Kindness Meditation.

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